This Mothers Day I invite you to think about what your teenagers have taught you and how they have made you a better person. I’m running an “essay” contest with prizes … here’s all you need to do:

Write an [open] letter to your teenager(s) about what you have learned from being his/her parent and how this has made you a grow into a better person.

I’ll share the best ones on my blog, and for the two best letters/essays I’ll give a copy of my award winning audiobook You’re Empowered! Parenting Teens with Conviction, Communication and Love.

Whether you win my contest or not, you’ll have something special to share with your family on Mothers Day morning.

*Rules: there are no rules. Just remember kids like “shorter” rather than “longer.” The “judge” will be looking for a message from the heart. :>

This contest is now closed.

Round-ups of best web sites are really helpful as we sort through the overwhelm on the web. Here’s a particularly helpful post from a nursing site on the 100 Best Blogs for Healthy Parents. (Yes, we made it on their list. :>) It is divided into groupings such as

• From Health Professionals
• Nutrition and Healthy Living
• Parenting Advice
• Specifically about Daughters or Sons
• Teenage Years
• Food allergies
• Childhood illness Support and Information

It was late when Natalie’s cell phone rang, and it was a dreaded call. “Your daughter is on her way to the emergency room. She blacked out. We were afraid to leave her because she was so drunk.”

This mom called me last week to tell me about the incident… no, she didn’t want to tell me about the actual incident as much as she wanted to tell me how she handled it.  She was proud that she had handled this terrible incident with relative calm and with control,  keeping things in perspective even while in the midst of the crisis.  She wanted to report to me that they had “been through the fire”...and had survived.

How many other parents have faced crises with your teens this summer?  Have your teens misbehaved?  Gotten into trouble?   Did they let you (and themselves) down in some way?  Teens don’t all misbehave, but enough of them do that this is an important question:  How will you survive a crisis you may face?

Preparing for the unexpected can be difficult, but being prepared is key to your success in a crisis.

Natalie was prepared. She invests time to make sure she is a smart, tuned-in parent for her teenagers.  She reads,  she speaks with friends and peers,  she is involved in her kids’ schools, and she works hard to share their lives and understand their point of view.  In fact she so values the opportunity to share ideas with other parents she has been in (and even led) several Please Stop the Rollercoaster parent discussion groups.

So when she spent those awful hours at the hospital while her daughter was severely under the influence of alcohol, Natalie kept her cool.  And after the crisis had passed over the next couple of weeks they processed what happened that night.  She huddled with her daughter,  her daughter’s friends and the other parents.  This incident became a valuable teachable moment because Natalie didn’t over-react.   And she didn’t allow it to devastate her or ruin her summer.

Lessons learned.  Relationships intact. That’s about the best you can ask for, isn’t it?

So, here’s the question for you: Will you be prepared if you face a crisis with your teen?

Here is my Crisis Response Plan*

When a crisis occurs, this four-step process can help you stay on track and respond productively:

STEP ONE:  Breath deeply This slows things down so you can think logically and deliberately.

STEP TWO: Identify objectively what has happened Make sure your response is properly aligned with reality. This is probably not the end of the world,  and you  probably will survive this crisis.

STEP THREE:  Ask yourself  “What’s the best outcome we can have?” Identify the best that can happen now, and set your sights on that.

STEP FOUR: Ask “How can I help make this happen?” Put yourself in action to help make the best outcome a reality.

*Note: This crisis response plan is one of our “Secrets to Success in Parenting Your Teen” available in our free, downloadable e-book.  Download it, share it, put it on your website… and send us a link so we can see how you are supporting parents too.

When the television media wants to interview me it’s usually not a political reporter, but I like (WBZ-TV’s) Jon Keller’s approach. When the Massachusetts state house began discussing imposing a parental consent requirement on kids under 18 who seek tattoos and/or body pierces, he wanted to speak with a parenting-teens expert about the topic. Here’s the clip from last evening’s news:

WBZ interview on Teens and Body Piercing

Of course, most of our interview landed on the cutting room floor, so let me tell you about this discussion. It’s a good one to think about.  Jon Keller often reports on what he calls the “Nanny State” …in this case government regulating what parents should be managing. And he asked me if regulating an age of consent has merit in this case.

What has merit, is parents – or somebody – advising kids to help them avoid choices they will regret. Will all kids regret their choice of piercing or tattooing? No; and some parents choose to have them too. There is nothing inherently wrong in it. For the parents who do object to tattoos and pierces, they usually object because they are difficult to un-do.

Parents have an important role to play here in guiding your teens to delay such choices until they are older; in fact, as I say in the interview, this is parents’ job. Due to teens’ brain development they do tend to be impulsive and are not well equipped to see the long term consequences for their actions. Parents have to put the brakes on in many areas,  this is just another example. You buy time and allow them to mature and develop, as they change their tastes and appearance and interests…until they have enough responsibility to make their own good decisions. In the case of tattooing and piercing 18 is probably a good age for such a decision.

Parents who are having such discussions with their teens might consider the following advice:

• Discuss this when everyone is calm; don’t do it when emotions are high,
• Allow your teen to express himself – even outlandishly if that is what he wants – using means that aren’t permanent. Let him dye his hair blue!
• Emphasize that you are not trying to control her by saying “no,” rather you are guiding her because you care so much and don’t want her to make a choice she will regret.
• Negotiate a compromise… give him permission on something else he wants that isn’t so bothersome to you.

If your teen is going to go ahead and get a pierce or tattoo anyway…and you are going to allow yourself to lose this argument, accompany her. Make sure the place is clean and meets your standards.  Also, negotiate the location of the tattoo or pierce… preferably in location that will be hidden by normal clothing.

In a perfect world parents wouldn’t need the state to make parental consent guidelines because parents and teens would talk and discuss such decisions.

We don’t live in a perfect world, however, so if the state puts up a barrier that will slow down this for kids, I’m for it.

Read my recent 2 Minute Tip Don’t be Bullied by Your Teen