Self help and inspirational literature seems to be the hot thing these days, and there surely is a lot to choose from!  Sometimes the right book can  provide much needed inspiration, guidance and hope.  If you are feeling as though you are having trouble getting through to your teenager, consider bringing in some outside voices. Your teen may be more open to hearing some of these messages from others, and the real-life stories about other teens can drive the points home in a big way.

There are many inspirational books for teenagers, some written by their peers and some written by the industry leaders. Here are a few good ones:

The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make for teens: Of course you know the famous father, Stephen Covey of 7 Habits fame, his son Sean has written The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make for teens.   The six big areas Covey focuses on involve getting a good education, choosing true friends, getting along with parents, dating and sex, avoiding addictions and establishing a sense of self-worth. The book is designed so that you don’t have to read it straight through; it is comfortable in its approach for teens and it includes graphics, cartoons, movie quotes as well as facts that should help even the most skeptical kid take heed.

What Color is Your Parachute for Teens; Discovering Yourself, Defining your Future... The classic by Richard Bolles has been recreated by Bolles  and career strategist Carol Christen.  The book is designed to guide teens to zero in on their favorite skills and apply that knowledge so they get the most out of school, set goals, and find their dream jobs. The book is filled with interactive exercises, worksheets, and profiles of young adults who have found their unique paths in life. If you are like me, there is comfort in coming back to new versions of reliable classics from experts we have relied upon for years.

The Success Prinicples for Teens: You know Jack Canfield of  “Chicken Soup” fame; more recently he published “The Success Principles” which some consider a classic in this genre.  He invited Kent Healy to apply the “success principles” for teenagers. This book includes 23 of the most important success strategies used by thousands of exceptional young people throughout history.  This book provides courage and heart and can be a boost to a teen who needs it to forge ahead.
Here’s  more info.

Kent Healy is an interesting story on his own.  Kent has been an entrepeneur since the age of 17, and his journey toward personal fulfillment and transformation had him at 22 teaching a high school class called The Science of Success. He is an inspirational speaker, author and columnist, young enough to have a voice that resonates with young people today.

What books can you recommend that have resonated with your teen?  Please share in the comments section.

Facebook is transforming our world….not just your teenager’s world, but yours too. This was posted on the Facebook Blog on August 4, 2009:

Constable Scott Mills has served as a police officer with the Toronto Police Service in Canada since 2002. His current role is Community Youth Officer for the Toronto Crime Stoppers program, where he works to build healthy relationships between young people, community members and the police department. We’ve asked Scott to share his experiences using Facebook to fight crime by connecting with the community.

There’s no doubt that Facebook has revolutionized the act of sharing and communicating with friends. Often overlooked, however, is the impact these tools can have on public safety. Because community engagement is critical to effective law enforcement, police officers must be where the people are, and these days, the people are on Facebook.

For the last two years, I have used my Facebook account, as well as Facebook groups, events and Pages, to inform Toronto residents about crimes in their area and encourage them to provide anonymous tips. Messages can be broadcast quickly and easily to wide audiences with immediate feedback. Outreach through Facebook has helped Toronto Crime Stoppers sniff out threats against local schools, bring much needed help to people at risk of committing suicide, warn the public about criminals on the loose and even locate missing persons…

Recently, police departments — in municipalities as large as Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada and as small as Brunswick, Maine in the U.S. — have created presences on Facebook to communicate more efficiently with the public. I’m happy to see this trend develop across Canada and around the world, including in the U.S. where the municipality of Boston is now using social media to track down stolen bikes. We’ll continue to work hard to make sure law enforcement is taking full advantage of today’s communication tools. All of us can do our part by using the Internet not just to keep up with friends but also to help keep our communities safe.

Interesting use of social media, don’t you think?

When the television media wants to interview me it’s usually not a political reporter, but I like (WBZ-TV’s) Jon Keller’s approach. When the Massachusetts state house began discussing imposing a parental consent requirement on kids under 18 who seek tattoos and/or body pierces, he wanted to speak with a parenting-teens expert about the topic. Here’s the clip from last evening’s news:

WBZ interview on Teens and Body Piercing

Of course, most of our interview landed on the cutting room floor, so let me tell you about this discussion. It’s a good one to think about.  Jon Keller often reports on what he calls the “Nanny State” …in this case government regulating what parents should be managing. And he asked me if regulating an age of consent has merit in this case.

What has merit, is parents – or somebody – advising kids to help them avoid choices they will regret. Will all kids regret their choice of piercing or tattooing? No; and some parents choose to have them too. There is nothing inherently wrong in it. For the parents who do object to tattoos and pierces, they usually object because they are difficult to un-do.

Parents have an important role to play here in guiding your teens to delay such choices until they are older; in fact, as I say in the interview, this is parents’ job. Due to teens’ brain development they do tend to be impulsive and are not well equipped to see the long term consequences for their actions. Parents have to put the brakes on in many areas,  this is just another example. You buy time and allow them to mature and develop, as they change their tastes and appearance and interests…until they have enough responsibility to make their own good decisions. In the case of tattooing and piercing 18 is probably a good age for such a decision.

Parents who are having such discussions with their teens might consider the following advice:

• Discuss this when everyone is calm; don’t do it when emotions are high,
• Allow your teen to express himself – even outlandishly if that is what he wants – using means that aren’t permanent. Let him dye his hair blue!
• Emphasize that you are not trying to control her by saying “no,” rather you are guiding her because you care so much and don’t want her to make a choice she will regret.
• Negotiate a compromise… give him permission on something else he wants that isn’t so bothersome to you.

If your teen is going to go ahead and get a pierce or tattoo anyway…and you are going to allow yourself to lose this argument, accompany her. Make sure the place is clean and meets your standards.  Also, negotiate the location of the tattoo or pierce… preferably in location that will be hidden by normal clothing.

In a perfect world parents wouldn’t need the state to make parental consent guidelines because parents and teens would talk and discuss such decisions.

We don’t live in a perfect world, however, so if the state puts up a barrier that will slow down this for kids, I’m for it.

Read my recent 2 Minute Tip Don’t be Bullied by Your Teen

I was saddened as I sat in a movie theater last weekend; well, “horrified” might be a bit more truthful.  I can choose the movie I see, but I can’t choose the previews I’m forced to sit through. And the previews were so violent and over-the-top in their sensory stimulation I literally had to cover my eyes at times.   Now, I will admit to you that my taste in entertainment runs to the conservative side, and sometimes my kids laugh at me about my wimpishness… but few parents with young teens would have found much of value in anything on that screen. If this is the best our movie industry can do…. it was a sad example of our contemporary culture.

Contrast this with my current audiobook companion, Experience the Power of Grace by Cheryl Richardson.  Richardson offers a unique example of a cultural diet – she rarely watches the news or reads the newspaper.  Rather, she selectively and intentionally chooses the media, information and experiences she allows in,  choosing them on their merits as soul-food.  If they don’t nourish her soul or support her in her “journey to consciousness,” she doesn’t waste her time.  Interesting contrast to what I saw on the big movie screen, and it got me thinking about what we allow ourselves to consume. We do have choices in the matter.

Richardson brings up an important question that is a good one for parents of teenagers to consider:  what does your teenager’s cultural diet consist of? Does it overload him with stimulation, ultimately desensitizing him to his feelings and internal self? Or is there a healthy balance?

My daughter was not a vegetable eater growing up and in numerous discussions with the pediatrician over the years, I was counseled to view her diet on a weekly basis, rather than a daily one. Our doctor’s even-keeled approach helped avoid fights that would lead to self-defeating results.  I’ve learned to take a similar attitude in regards to many issues in raising my kids. Rather than imposing a complete ban on all cultural influences that I felt were unhealthy for them,  we’d more often go with the flow and make choices and decisions as it seemed appropriate.  And without really thinking about it, the experience of over-stimulation from a heavy-duty scary movie was more often than not balanced by quiet time.  Over the course of a week, balance was usually achieved because of my kids’ natural interests.

Think about it: what are the activities and experiences that provide a healthy counter-balance to the more worrisome cultural inputs your teen ingests? What might some of those soothing activities be?  Quiet time. Time outside in nature. Spiritual resources and connections are an important part of their diet. You probably don’t need to shove this down their throats, but rather acting as “facilitator” you can make sure that they get the trip to the beach, the hike in the mountains, and the lazy day off.  Leave the i-pod in the car and suggest they listen for the birds and the wind in the trees.  And don’t forget a visit inside a house of God that will also soothe the soul.

Time outside in nature serves as a major spiritual connection for many of us.  It soothes our psyche and our soul. The miracles that abound there give us peace, perspective and a sense of eternity that reaches us on many levels.  My 24 year old finds such joy in being outdoors he camps out in the Colorado wilderness in all seasons.  It’s his perfect antidote to a high-pressure demanding world, and it helps him stay centered.  (This photo from a winter camping trip came sailing across my screen yesterday…now is that the picture of joy?!)

Even if your teens are spending time ingesting media you don’t like or understand, you can help them find balance by looking at their spectrum of activities over the course of a week.  Do all that you can to make sure they get a varied diet:  some down time, some time in nature, some time to reflect and develop their inner and spiritual world.

And make sure you get yours, too.

I must confess I never considered myself a “mommy blogger.” But the universe of writers and bloggers seems to want to put me in the mommy-blogger category, and when they put me in the esteemed category of “top ten” I guess I’m not going to quibble. I’m going to say thank you! :>

Ron Calleri told me he reviewed “several hundred” mommy blogs when creating his recent list of the top ten; this is the only blog specifically focused on parenting teenagers. It is an interesting and diverse list of blogs, in some cases offering irreverent, personal stories and reflections, some with a very particular point to push.

Here are several of them:
Momocrats – Raising the Next Generation of Blue

Manic Mommies – tips, review, interviews and more for “moms trying to do it all”

Suburban Turmoil an irreverent look at parenting and step parenting

Rocks in my Dryer

Sustenance for Lesbian Moms

I’ve been riveted to the story of Emmie’s unwanted pregnancy on Motherlode, as I told you yesterday. As a blogger I’ve been responding to this dynamic drama with fascination because so often I have found the comments from readers on this New York Times blog to be harsh and judgmental. I’ve cringed many times as I have observed that thick skin seems to be a requirement for bloggers….which scares me a bit because that is definitely not one of my strong suits.

But what has unfolded here is entirely different. Emmie’s request for input has opened up a raft of emotions, memories and shared thoughts that are deep, personal and moving. Deciding how to handle an unwanted pregnancy is one of the most difficult decisions a woman will ever make in her life, and Emmie is grateful for the input of strangers. What I’m grateful to see is the respect with which people are sharing their feelings.

Motherlode’s author Lisa Belkin has also noted the tone of this discourse, and it inspired her to write a follow-up post about just that. For those of you who wonder, as I do, about the value of internet discussion between strangers, Lisa and Emmie share why it’s been so helpful to her. For those of you who are trying to figure out why people write and share on the internet, this example has brought out the best in why and how value can be found in interactive web forums.

One of the few who responded negatively about this story said: Ms. Belkin, it was a not a good idea to ask readers to advise people they do not know. In the future, please refer such requests to a local counseling center. That is the proper forum for obtaining such advice.

From Lisa Belkin: I respectfully disagree. I do not think a forum like this should be the ONLY place to get help, but having read all 530-plus posts here, I am struck by the breadth and depth of the advice. Emmie is talking to her family, and her school, and getting wise counsel in person. What a forum like this one can do for her, though, is show her which opinions resonate, and which do not, which posts make her nod in agreement and which make her shake her head. In addition, it is eloquent proof that others have been through the same thing, which she might not be able to hear from her own personal circle.

From Emmie: It’s nice to hear other people’s experiences and ideas, especially when the world feels so incredibly small. The one thing that has helped is to just listen to other people. It doesn’t matter what their advice is, whether or not I would have agreed with them a week ago, I just want to hear other people’s ideas. I’m also really glad that I’m getting advice from complete strangers. I’ve realized that getting advice for your parents or relatives carries a certain weight that doesn’t always feel so helpful.

What do you think about sharing such personal experiences with strangers on the web?

Once again, Amy Jussel at Shaping Youth.org offers thoughtful commentary on the cultural messages your kids consume… and reading her blog has to get your juices flowing. In addition to offering a plethora of resources for parents of teenagers, Amy’s critical eye points out discrepancies and underlying messages making her voice is an important balancing influence. I urge you to spend some time on her site as you will not only find her perspective informative and thought provoking, but you will get helpful links, input on books, movies and more.

A good place to start is to read her interview with The Girl Revolution as well as her posting Influencers, Accountability and The Global Cost to Youth. [Fair warning: this isn't light reading...pretty heady stuff.]

She caught my attention in this second posting as she brought up Tyra Banks’ well publicized study about teens’ levels of sexual activity…having mentioned the Tyra Banks research myself in a post Talking About Sex is Not an Option, this caught my eye. Amy’s comment makes great sense:

Those of us who work with youth regularly tended to roll our eyes at the Tyra talk, as it falls into the ‘shock schlock’ category of media punditry that ALL needs taken with a HUGE grain of salt.

Regardless of her popularity with teens, Tyra is FAR from a Johns Hopkins qualitative analysis or the CDC, ya know?

And can I just point to the lil’ ol’ ratings game and profit motive of this media and marketing analysis, folks?

Tyra is an ENTERTAINMENT show, people! Stay out of the research and science genre and we’ll all stay out of modeling, fair? Scary thing is, MSM ran with it big time. (that would be ‘mainstream media,’ since the MSM acronym at the SxTechConf has an entirely different meaning in healthcare)

From The Today Show to network news mentions, these teen ‘truemors’ immediately morphed into ‘findings’ in classic ‘it must be true’ phenom that media power and influence wields so haphazardly. In an instant, Tyra’s ‘study’ latched onto a perception of credibility since it was picked up as ‘news’ and deemed authoritative by the sheer massive numbers.

What concerns do you have about your teens’ exposure to values, information and behavior via media hype? What input would you like on the topic of mitigating harmful cultural influences? I hope to interview Amy in the near future and would love to hear from you as to what your questions and issues are. Comment here on the blog or drop me a personal note.

In our ongoing examination of teenagers’ use of new media, we’ve had several articles* looking at the relevancy of these tools in the classroom. Parents may wonder about teachers who employ the use of Facebook or Twitter, encouraging their students to do the same. I have heard about highly charged discussions that have ensued at schools as parents and educators try to sort through the issues involved here. For most educators and parents there is a learning curve… we are all experimenting with new technologies, trying to see their applications, their benefits and their value. For some people the benefits are more obvious than others; and if it makes you feel any better, many of us are trying hard not to feel overwhelmed as the speed of technology advances turn our recently-gained skills obsolescent.

But progress we must. The world isn’t going to wait for us; neither are our teenagers.

*This Train Has Left the Station; For Your Teen’s Sake Get On Board
Schools and Facebook; Moving Too Fast or Not Fast Enough?

Educators who respond to teens’ natural areas of interest and enthusiasm are doing your kids a favor. If a teacher can more deeply engage your teen while helping her acquire contemporary skills that will enable her to function more fully in the world…well what can be wrong with that?!

Teacher, Revised, is a blog written by teachers for teachers. In it, one teacher confesses that a year ago he was dead-set against blogging. But now, he not only has his own (very dynamic!) blog, he is encouraging his students to blog. He recommends the blog as an instructional tool. Why does he view it as such? He says:

…students like it. Simple as that. They like it. As much as I may try to come up with fun/creative/relevant activities, it’s a rare assignment that transcends the damning ‘schoolwork’ label. Miraculously, blogs approach those rarefied heights.

Is this succumbing to popular pressure? Is it going with the flow? Or is it keeping education relevant? Perhaps a blend of all three.

Our teacher continues:

Which brings me to my most compelling argument for blogging as an instructional tool. Once students get their first taste of the ‘power’ of publishing, this magical thing starts to happen. They blog on their own. By contrast, after five years of requiring my English students to keep journals, I can count the number of unassigned entries I’ve received on one hand. With blogs, it’s the norm—even with my most struggling writers.

I don’t think most parents want to hold your kids back from receiving relevant education. So again, I encourage you to be informed, expand your skills on the web and with new media to make sure you are able to provide some guidance for your teen. It is entirely likely that s/he will be engaged in online activities that are new and contemporary and require YOU to stretch and learn.