Does your teen use instant-messenger? (duh; probably a silly question.) Does your teen communicate via text messaging? How about downloading music, watching online videos, listening to podcasts, playing online games, participating in social networking sites….? Are you familiar with using the same technologies that your teen uses?

If you don’t utilize today’s technology as your teenager does, this will have a negative impact on your ability to provide important guidance for your teenager.

As I write this, I will confess that I’m struggling to catch up myself. Certainly it feels like the technological options available to me are ahead of my need for them, and it’s a burden to keep up with this learning curve. For some of you, this web 2.0 change is easy and natural. But I hear from many of you that you are way, way behind in using the new technologies. Take note: If you are raising teens, you are living dangerously if you are too far behind in this area.

I spoke to a group of parents recently and had a conversation with a mom who was reeling from a disturbing experience with her young son. Her socially awkward 6th grade boy had been visiting online sites that she described as her “worst nightmare.” She and her husband were forced into having conversations with her young teen that were difficult and awkward, as they tried to teach him about appropriate adult activities, degradation, and the ugly side of the internet and human behavior. She felt he was not developmentally ready for any of this to be discussed, and yet because of his browsing online, they needed to address it directly. They took away his internet access entirely until they can come up with an appropriate way to monitor his activities.

Kids are a couple of clicks away from nasty, graphic, disturbing images and activities. The internet is forcing parents to have uncomfortable, yet essential, discussions.

Be proactive about using all the technologies that your teen uses so that you can be proactive about guiding your teenager’s safe and smart decisions. You can’t provide guidance in an area in which you aren’t familiar. Invest the necessary time.

We’ll be discussing this essential topic more in future posts. In the meanwhile, here are some links to helpful informational websites. (If you have others you would like to suggest, please add them in the comment area.)

http://www.wiredsafety.org/
http://www.isafe.org/
http://www.netsmartz.org/

Don’t get caught on the wrong side of the digital divide.

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As I introduced myself at a meeting last evening, I said that I’m a publisher of products and programs for parents of teenagers, and that I’m also offering audio products and tele-seminars. One woman asked “What’s a Tele-seminar?”

Forgive me for assuming you know! And allow me to tell you how they work…for this is the BEST way of gathering and consuming information I know of!

A Tele-seminar is a seminar that takes place through the phone. Sometimes they are called tele-classes…and yes, they are the cousin (or twin sister…I’ll explain) of podcasts. It’s EASY to take a tele-seminar and there are many reasons why they are gaining in popularity.

Tele-seminars are great because:

• They are very time-efficient. There is no commuting time because you sit on the phone from your own home or office. There is little “chit-chat” because you don’t feel the need to visit with your neighbor, and a good leader keeps the program on track and focused.
• They are very focused because there are few distracting stimuli. In a live seminar you may be distracted by many elements (the people around you, outside noises, settling down after your trip there etc.) but in a tele-seminar you tend to stay focused on the subject matter.
• They can be inexpensive in comparison to a live seminar.
• They are easy. All participants do is call in to a preassigned telephone number (it is customary that participants pay for the phone charge), dial in a passcode…and that’s all there is to it.
• They are flexible. Depending on the number of people on the call, the leader may choose to have the lines open so everyone can speak live, they may ask participants to mute their lines to avoid background noise from their homes, or the leader can mute everyone and run the class in “lecture” mode.
  
• Handouts can be printed out separately. All the visual supports are available through pdf files sent separately.

I became a big fan of tele-seminars a few years ago as I began taking them on a variety of topics. In 2005 I became certified as a tele-class leader; this training is helpful because leading a group with whom you have no eye contact requires some special skills. Last year I had the privilege of running several ongoing tele-seminars with employees at AT&T. Through their Employee Assistance Program I was hired to run an ongoing parent support group for parents of teenagers, and another for parents of college students. These groups ran for a whole year and were a wonderful benefit for the employees. I’m hoping that other companies will offer this kind of programming as it’s helpful and empowering to gather parents in this way as they learn together and process their experiences. I will be offering a 3-part tele-seminar support group for parenting teenagers beginning in a few weeks. (Details coming soon…e-mail me if you want me to contact you with details.)

Tele-seminars are like podcasts…sort of. Podcasting is a term that many people banter around and the meaning isn’t always the same. Podcasting is both a format and a channel of distribution. The format refers to an mp3 audio file, and a tele-seminar that is recorded can be put into an mp3 file which will make it a podcast. In this case, however, you’ll note that the tele-seminar is consumed as a recording, not live. Podcasting is growing in popularity because you can consume the content on your time, in the method of your choice. You can listen to the recording of a previously run tele-seminar, and you can listen wherever you want: at your computer, or on your i-pod or mp3 player. (You don’t need an i-pod to listen to a podcast; any mp3 player will do.) This is great because it’s flexible, portable and you’re in the driver’s seat.

Podcasting as a “channel” refers to the many ways podcasts get pushed out onto the internet and thru services like blogs and i-tunes.

Your kids know how to download and use podcasting technology because this is how they download music.

If you don’t know how to do this yet, begin with a tele-seminar. It’s easy and highly effective. You are invited to join me in my FREE tele-seminars. Next week I’m offering 3 different 60 minute tele-seminars:

• Practical Tips for Parenting Teens…for parents of teenagers,
• Help Parents Move from Conflict to Connection…for professionals and parent leaders who work with parents of teens,
• Introducing the Jewish Please Stop the Rollercoaster! Parent Group Program…for those of you interested in offering this program in your Jewish community.

You can listen to these tele-seminars live, or download them to listen later. Either way, you’ll need to register to receive the call-in information and the link to the recording. Hope you can join me!

NOTE: Marty Fahncke, of Conference Call University contacted me as a result of this post. You should visit his site where he lists tele-seminars, podcasts etc that are being offered in a wide variety of topics. You’ll be hooked on this way of learning before you know it!

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There has been a lot of discussion lately about the various weblogs which are targeted to teenagers. MySpace is the largest of them, with about 42 million users. Kids post pictures there - some more tasteful than others - and answer surveys - not always truthfully - outlining their interests, loves, etc.

What’s mystifying to an adult, is that kids think that these areas are private - for their eyes only. Ask a teenager if you can view his or her area on MySpace and they are likely to tell you that you “need permission.” Hello? I need “permission” to view something on the web that is there for mankind to see?? Who’s off base here?

Parents are scolded by some teens for viewing their weblog, creating unnecssary tension between parents and their teens. Parents walk on eggs while trying to keep their kids safe and smart in the way they portray themselves, and kids scold parents for snooping.

Let us remember that a few years ago these areas didn’t even exist… that would be why they have proliferated beneath the radar screen of parental awareness. But we’re on top of it now, and as the world changes, parents need to update their rule books.

Smart parents will have a look at these sites, and a good honest discussion about the potential dangers with their teenagers. Remember the smart rules for internet safety:

• Keep the computer in an open family space, NOT in a child’s bedroom.
• Limit online time.
• Be aware of how your child is spending her online time.
• Educate your teens about internet realities – these areas are not private, and it is possible to trace users if they reveal even limited personal information.
• Never talk in open chatrooms.
• Never share your password or ask for the password from a friend.
• Never pose as someone you are not.
• When talking online, only say things that you would say if you were face-to face.

I have a longer article on this important issue along with some excellent resources here:http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com/articles/MySpace.html

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“With these, who needs brains?” “Gentlemen prefer Tig Old Bitties” “Anatomy tutor“…Who are they kidding?! Do you want your 14 year old daughter or sister wearing T-shirts with these messages? I’ve resisted Abecrombie for years, but never quite put my foot down. This is their idea of humor - ha! I’ve had enough. It’s time; there is no turning back; this really goes way over the top… under no conditions will one cent of mine be spent there.

If you’re offended by their overtly sexualized marketing methods, it’s time to take a stand. Some courageous young teenage girls from PA were on the Today Show this morning, and they are championing what they call a “Girl-cott,” bringing this message to the public about Abercrombie’s offensive messages and strategies. Take action. Join the boycott, no, the “girl-cott.”

But, more importantly, take this opportunity to speak to your sons and daughters about how Abercrombie’s strategies take advantage of kids, how the underlying messages in such clothing is offensive and dangerous to teenagers, and how it undermines their power and choices. This is important stuff, and I’ve drawn my line in the sand. Have you?

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New figures about kids’ media consumption have just been released in a Kaiser Family Foundation Report*, confirming behavior and trends parents of teens see every day:

• Kids between 8 – 18 spend 6 ½ hours a day, or 44 ½ hours per week using media,
• Media multi-tasking is the new trend, with kids using more than one media at a time – for instance going online while watching TV. Accounting for multi-tasking time, kids are actually spending the equivalent of 8½ hours using media daily,
• Children with easy access to media tend to spend more time using those media.

Parents have to ask ourselves what role we have in this [excessive] degree of media consumption. Look at what parents have allowed:

• 63% of all 8 – 18 year olds have a TV in their bedroom,
• 49% have a video game player in their room, and
• 31% have a computer in their room,
• Kids with a TV in their bedroom watch 1.2 hours more TV daily than those without a bedroom TV.

And parents complain that they have difficulty communicating with their kids? No wonder.
Here is more data to examine:

• 53% of the 2000 kids surveyed for the Kaiser Family Foundation survey say their families have no rules about TV watching,
• 46% say they have rules, but only 20% say these rules are enforced “most” of th