Are Your Teens’ Moods Getting in the Way?

Teenagers are famous for their moody ups and downs. In your home do you experience the occasional slammed door, teary outburst or angry shout? It is all part of family life. Let’s set your expectations about what is “normal” and typical for teen behavior and moods, so that you’ll have a perspective on it and still be able to keep communication open, enhance your relationship and find creative and helpful ways to support your teen.

Teens’ emotions are intense. There has been a tremendous amount of research in the area of teens’ developing brains, and today we know that some information that adults process logically, teens process in the emotional center of their brains.  Teens filter their perceptions, responses, and evaluations through their emotions, and they feel their emotions at twice the intensity that adults do. The emotional rollercoaster ride you witness is not your imagination….this is perfectly “normal” for teens.

Intense feelings may cause some teens to spend more time behind closed doors, communicate with you less, and spend more time with their peers – who feel like they do. Some teens withhold information from parents so they maintain a sense of power… helping them to feel independent. While this behavior may be typical, it can complicate your families’ dynamics and your ability to keep communication open. And communication is the key to your success as you guide child away from risky behavior and toward the values and activities you want to teach.

If you find your teen’s mood swings impacting family dynamics, here are some tips for parents/care givers:

• As best you can, try to be a calming influence when your teen is highly emotional.

• Make sure your responses help move you toward a solution and don’t escalate the problem.

• Come back to address the situation or discussion later when emotions are less intense.

• Put yourself in his shoes. Appreciate the fact that your teenager is responding to situations from the perspective of someone who has far less experience than you do. A bad test grade or a break up with a friend can feel like a lay-off or divorce would feel to you.

• Empathize with him; let him know you support him.

If your teen’s behavior and moods are shutting down communication between you and you have reason to be concerned, it may be time to activate your network. Touch base with the important adults in your teen’s life – guidance counselors, teachers, coaches, family members, friends, faith leaders…. Other people who have a relationship with your teen. You can do this in appropriate ways that don’t send out red flags, and you’re sure to gain a different view of your teen.  Frankly, it’s a good idea to plan to do this periodically anyway, so that you have relationships with people who can be called upon to give helpful guidance to you or your teen should the need arise.