Parental Consent and Body Piercing

July 22nd, 2009 by Sue Blaney

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When the television media wants to interview me it’s usually not a political reporter, but I like (WBZ-TV’s) Jon Keller’s approach. When the Massachusetts state house began discussing imposing a parental consent requirement on kids under 18 who seek tattoos and/or body pierces, he wanted to speak with a parenting-teens expert about the topic. Here’s the clip from last evening’s news:

WBZ interview on Teens and Body Piercing

Of course, most of our interview landed on the cutting room floor, so let me tell you about this discussion. It’s a good one to think about. Jon Keller often reports on what he calls the “Nanny State” …in this case government regulating what parents should be managing. And he asked me if regulating an age of consent has merit in this case.

What has merit, is parents – or somebody – advising kids to help them avoid choices they will regret. Will all kids regret their choice of piercing or tattooing? No; and some parents choose to have them too. There is nothing inherently wrong in it. For the parents who do object to tattoos and pierces, they usually object because they are difficult to un-do.

Parents have an important role to play here in guiding your teens to delay such choices until they are older; in fact, as I say in the interview, this is parents’ job. Due to teens’ brain development they do tend to be impulsive and are not well equipped to see the long term consequences for their actions. Parents have to put the brakes on in many areas, this is just another example. You buy time and allow them to mature and develop, as they change their tastes and appearance and interests…until they have enough responsibility to make their own good decisions. In the case of tattooing and piercing 18 is probably a good age for such a decision.

Parents who are having such discussions with their teens might consider the following advice:

Discuss this when everyone is calm; don’t do it when emotions are high,
Allow your teen to express himself – even outlandishly if that is what he wants – using means that aren’t permanent. Let him dye his hair blue!
Emphasize that you are not trying to control her by saying “no,” rather you are guiding her because you care so much and don’t want her to make a choice she will regret.
Negotiate a compromise… give him permission on something else he wants that isn’t so bothersome to you.

If your teen is going to go ahead and get a pierce or tattoo anyway…and you are going to allow yourself to lose this argument, accompany her. Make sure the place is clean and meets your standards. Also, negotiate the location of the tattoo or pierce… preferably in location that will be hidden by normal clothing.

In a perfect world parents wouldn’t need the state to make parental consent guidelines because parents and teens would talk and discuss such decisions.

We don’t live in a perfect world, however, so if the state puts up a barrier that will slow down this for kids, I’m for it.

Read my recent 2 Minute Tip Don’t be Bullied by Your Teen

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 6:07 pm and is filed under Communication, Culture & Media, Parenting Teens, Tips and Tools. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 responses about “Parental Consent and Body Piercing”

Amy Jussel said:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Sue, as the kids would say, ‘omg’ this is sooooo relevant right now.

I just posed this question to young Vanessa at Radical Parenting, because I’ve had a long-established ‘rules of the road’ that echoes yours, e.g. “temp is fine, perm is off the table” until adulthood…I wrote about this here re: The Red KoolAid hair dye scene: http://www.shapingyouth.org/?p=1790

NOW, summer fun appears to have brought ‘belly button piercing’ into the CA forefront with BFFs and the teen scene sporting newly poked tum-tums wreaking havoc on my mindshare (or as one mom put it, she’s ‘harshing my mellow’)

The concept of power plays and defiance (e.g. your line, “If your teen is going to go ahead and get a pierce or tattoo anyway…and you are going to allow yourself to lose this argument, accompany her.” ) makes me realize how far our culture has veered into child-centric dominance, or in your words, “bullying.”

I think I’ll go read your two minute tip and see where I land… Keep up the great work.
Sue Blaney said:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Amy thanks for your note. Love the “harshing my mellow”…you California folks do have a way with words. :>

I was fascinated to speak with a young woman, now 24, who has her share of pierces. She’s a character… a hairdresser who changes her hair color every few weeks, experimenting with her looks all the time. (And she’s straight as an arrow!) What I found fascinating was that she, too draws the line between pierces and tattoos. She is now upset she got a tattoo when she was younger but is thankful that the little butterfly on her hip is usually hidden from view.
Katrina Russo said:
July 31st, 2009 at 11:09 pm
These are very good points. My oldest son is 13, and while he’s hopefully still a little ways away from asking about tattoos and piercings, I appreciate the advice about allowing children to express their individuality through non-permanent changes.
Alekxa said:
July 12th, 2010 at 4:50 am
I am a 16 year old who has accumulated a few piercings over the years. The first thing I think about before getting a piercing is if I am really doing this for myself or to please a friend. It is extremely important to discuss the decision of getting a piercing with a parent. Also, checking out a clean piercing store is vital in order to be safe and heal properly afterwards. I write for a blog (RadicalParenting.com) where teen’s give advice to parents and write about issues from the kid’s perspective. We have an article called Ask-A-Teen Column: Teen Pressure, A Piercing Issue that might add a different perspective to the mix, feel free to check it out:
http://www.radicalparenting.com/2009/07/31/ask-a-teen-column-teen-pressure-a-piercing-issue/
Thanks you,
Alekxa