What if Your Teen Was Here to Teach YOU?

July 10th, 2009 by Sue Blaney

You’re probably pretty tuned in to your role as “teacher.” To teach your teenagers the skills, values and lessons you feel they need, you use every tactic available to you; you coach, advise, demonstrate, direct, cajole, arm-twist, model, lecture… and more. This is an important, vital even, part of your role as parent. But consider that maybe the reverse is true, too…maybe your child is here to teach you as well as learn from you. If this is true, how would that change your relationship? How might this alter the way you communicate? Would this change the way you look at your teen?

What are the things you have learned from your child? I’ve learned patience, creativity, and how to approach things differently at times. I’ve learned how to give space when all I really wanted to do was hold on to them tighter. I’ve learned to rely on faith that things will work out, even if I’m really not terribly confident.

I marvel at how looking at my daughter is in some ways like looking in a mirror for me. This is less true in regards to her wonderful qualities than it is when she is doing something that is annoying. When I’m not too caught up in the moment, I do have a little voice that points out there is a lesson here for me. More often than not it is because the behavior I’m witnessing that is irritating is behavior that I exhibit myself. Her behavior – and my response to it- can teach me a lot in those moments… but those are the most difficult moments in which to take in this lesson.

Try it. Try to focus on what your teen can teach you, even when you find yourself at odds with him. He’s treating you with disrespect? Perhaps that is a good time to practice a humorous way to redirect the interaction. She’s late for curfew and you’re worried sick? Perhaps here is where you get to practice the art of staying firm without expressing anger. She’s tactlessly treating her younger brother as though he is subordinate and stupid? She didn’t pick up this attitude, tone or manner from someone you know, did she? Truth be told, too often that nasty tone that comes out periodically around here sounds a little too familiar to me.

Ponder this question: What is my child teaching me? I’d love to hear about what you learn.

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 10th, 2009 at 7:55 pm and is filed under Tips and Tools. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 responses about “What if Your Teen Was Here to Teach YOU?”

Fern Weis said:
July 16th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Sue, what a great post.

While in theory, I know that life is all about how you react and respond to what comes your way, it is another thing entirely to put it into practice. Having children really puts that to the test.

My kids, now young adults, can still push every button I have. I am (continuously) learning and practicing new skills in an effort to maintain and deepen an honest and loving relationship. Some days are easier than others! And of course, they are not the only ones who can push those hot buttons. So everything I learn (or am taught) can be used with everyone who comes into my life.

I have also learned from my children that I send many messages — sometimes without saying a word — about how I see myself and my world. It was a little frightening to see how some of their negative attitudes about themselves and life developed from watching me.

So, I am a work in progress, trying to stay open to the wisdom that is all around. Even that of my children, who think they know everything. Well, they certainly know more than I sometimes give them credit for.
Mary Beth said:
July 30th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
“Our children are here to teach us what we don’t want to learn.” This terrific quote came from a talented therapist. It’s true, the lessons are hard, but the education is priceless.