Talking about Sex is NOT an Option
November 26th, 2008 by Sue Blaney
I know it’s uncomfortable for most of you, talking about sex with your kids. And probably many of you think you are talking enough and letting your kids learn from you. But a survey conducted by Tyra Banks, and the shocking picture it portrays about your daughters and their sexual activities should propel you to the mirror. Have a good talk with yourself. Be honest. You may not be doing enough. Please, parents of teens - Moms and Dads, you need to:
- Talk to your teenager about the values you wish to teach and share, then LISTEN and allow your teen to air his/her thoughts,
- Recognize that your teenager is a sexual being, not a little kid. Don’t talk down to them. Be realistic.
- Recognize and discuss the myriad sexual messages your teen views regularly in the media. Help your teen to learn to challenge these messages and invite her to discuss them with you. Empower her to view them critically and encourage her to develop her own views and opinions.
- Be informed about the real facts. If less than half of teens are having sex, that means more than half are choosing not to have sex. Let your teen know that he is making a choice along with the majority of his peers if he waits. (Figures about this vary; the data shown in the video below is different than other studies. The Kaiser Family Foundation publicizes figures showing that median age for first intercourse is 16.9 for boys and 17.4 for girls. They say that 48% of teens in grades 9 - 12 are sexually active.)
- Let your teen know that you are available for discussions and questions, and that you will respect them and treat these conversations seriously and confidentially. You do this by showing them this behavior. You demonstrate that you can talk about the subject; it’s not enough to say “You know you can talk to me.” If that’s all you say you have not demonstrated that you really are approachable about the subject.
- Let your teen know about local health resources if they need help or have questions they don’t want to address with you. Let them know they can go to their doctor, or a local clinic. Do the research. Make certain that if your teen chooses to be sexually active and not tell you, that s/he will do this responsibly.
Now fasten your seatbelts. Here Matt Lauer discusses Tyra Bank’s survey:
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 at 5:03 pm and is filed under Teens: Sexual Activity, Communication, Risky Behavior. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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December 5th, 2008 at 2:56 am
I wholeheardetly agree that “talking about sex is not an option.” It is definitely an imperative. Kids are hearing about sex at an early age from their peers at school. And they are hearing inaccurate information about sex from their peers at school. My daugther just this evening asked me what a “prostitute” was because she heard kids talking about it on the bus. My daughter is eleven. I am fortunate that my daughters are not afraid to ask me any question about any subject. My wife and I have been proactive in talking to our kids about sexuality and have addressed various issues at appropriate ages. We have a tradition that sets the tone for an open, comfortable forum for our kids to talk to us about sex. At the age of 10 (the age depends upon what you feel is appropriate for your kids) my wife has taken each of my daughters on a special mom and daugther weekend where they go out to eat at a nice restaurant, spend the night in a hotel, and have “the talk.” My wife uses an age appropriate book written especially for kids that age and they talk about puberty, relationships, the human body, and sexual intercourse. This initial talk sets the tone for all future discussions and it helps our kids feel comfortable asking us a variety of questions. After the mom and daughter weekend, I follow up with my daughters and ask if they have any questions and I review briefly what mom discussed and reinforce that we will continue to have discussions to explain things and answer questions as they get older. The fact that my daughter asked me the question she did tonight reinforces that what we are doing is working. I encourage you to start the dialogue and keep it going about sex and other topics that may be uncomfortable. It is worth it.