Last year as Mother’s Day rolled around I noticed some rather deep feelings begin to surface. And they weren’t the joyful “isn’t motherhood grand?!” type of feelings, either. It struck me as odd, because both my kids were away in college and things had been running rather smoothly as far as family matters go. I sat with my feelings, as I do when I’m trying to understand them, and I realized that I was connecting with some painful memories from Mothers Days past. I had not realized it previously, but I had learned to steel my emotions as Mother’s Day rolled around to protect myself from having expectations that were too high, and from remembering some really bad Mothers Days when my kids were in their early teens.

I wrote about this on this blog in an article titled “Mothers Day Blues,” and evidently, I struck a nerve. I received notes from numerous moms thanking me for the article…one mom said that her 14 year old daughter had completely ignored Mothers Day, hurting her a great deal. One was grieving from the loss of her own mother and suffering from “a self-centered and non-communicative 15 year old son” at the same time, making Mothers Day a sad time for her.

Mother’s Day isn’t always the Hallmark-Card-type event that we may wish for, but no matter what, know there are many mom’s out there sharing your feelings, and your journey.

The original article from May 2007 is re-published below.

Mother’s Day Blues

Mothers Day isn’t always great. I know this sentiment is against all that Hallmark, and your mother, and our society wants us to believe, but I know there are a few of you out there who have aching hearts today. I want to recognize this.

Mother’s Day sometimes puts a magnifying glass on our personal pain. Like the Christmas holidays that exacerbate the plight of the lonely, Mother’s Day celebrations can highlight what we don’t have.

I want to offer empathy and hope if you are suffering from Mother’s Day Blues.

If you’re reading this, you know my work is with parents of teenagers. Parenting teenagers is full of ups and downs - that comes with the territory. I’m fortunate enough to have two wonderful children. While my youngest is almost out of her teens now - I’m nearing the end of this particular stage myself - Mother’s Day remains poignent. And I remember two incredibly painful Mother’s Day weekends.

If I look back at the mistakes (some more optimistic souls prefer to call them “learning experiences”) my kids made as teenagers, a particular mistake stands out for each of them. To protect their privacy, I will not disclose the particulars, but one sent us to court and the other sent us to therapy. In my eyes, these were biggies.

And they both happened over Mother’s Day weekend.

What I want to say to you Moms who might be in pain, is the chances are really good that this will pass. Almost all kids do some really stupid things, and it isn’t necessarily a reflection on you, your parenting, or a poor relationship. Know that bad spells are part of the process of parenting. Know that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Your relationship will endure the ups and downs, and the love that you have for one another will keep you going.

It really is true what people say: When your kids get older they do come back. When they have separated from you and established their own identity - and that is often what is behind the challenges during their adolescence - you develop a new relationship that can be simply incredible. A dream come true.

Your future holds the promise of the relationship you wish for. Tolerate today with hope. Because it will get better.

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