January 30th, 2008 by Sue Blaney
In our research-based report Parenting Teenagers: The Agony and the Ecstasy we hear many parents complain about our culture. Parents complain that “It’s hard to be heard when the i-pod is on.” They say “It’s hard to be the strongest voice for your child in the sea of messages…”. And one particularly articulate dad said “Most of society seems to be giving a diametrically opposed message to the ones I am giving my kids. The outside message, from films and TV and music and the media seems to be ‘have sex, drink and take drugs, resort to violence to solve disputes, treat partners badly, and never confide in your parents. Oh, and driving fast is cool too.”
What do you think about our culture, and how do you cope in your family? How do you counter the culture?
I have some interesting and helpful comments from other readers that I share with you below. And I invite you to download and read this insightful and unique report that is based on responses from over 500 people…and then join our discussion - we’d like to hear your thoughts on this important topic.
Your Comments: I do feel that our culture is family unfriendly in that so much of the media content, and even the views of other adults in the community, contradict my own values.
So far, just being involved as much as possible in my child’s life has been working for me. Her father and/or I attend all her sporting events and practices. I’ll be chaperoning her first middle school dance next week. I also talk to her friends’ parents to compare stories. I’m not sure how effective these methods will be as she gets older and craves more independence, but for now, they give her and I something to talk about. We also curb materialism. We rarely buy anything unless it is on sale. And we try to conserve resources (i.e. don\’t waste food or water, recycle, buy used…)
Your Comments: Not having teenagers at home anymore but having been a high school principal for 25 years, I might not say “family unfriendly” but certainly our culture isn’t helping with keeping the family intact as a viable entity.
One way for parents to counter the culture is to early on develop a relationship of trust with their children. Another would be for parents to allow their children to experience the results of their (the children) choices but do so in a supportive and save family environment. I’ve learned that using words such as “it won’t be possible” or “you remember what we agreed to about that” speaks to results of behavior choices as opposed to “you can’t” or “you better not” which speaks to authority or size or status of the speaker. Letting teenagers know ahead of time, for instance, that poor grades is going to put off the acquiring of a driver’s permit means that when the grades aren’t good enough it’s not too hard to say, “It won’t be possible for you to get the driver’s permit.” This is not to suggest there won’t be angst expressed but basically the argument is over with. Natural results are the order of the day. Only the really stubborn will fail to finally learn from this type of cause and effect.
Please read our report and join our discussion!
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
and is filed under Tips and Tools, What Do You Think?, Parenting Teens.
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