January 30th, 2008 by Sue Blaney
In our research-based report Parenting Teenagers: The Agony and the Ecstasy we hear many parents complain about our culture. Parents complain that “It’s hard to be heard when the i-pod is on.” They say “It’s hard to be the strongest voice for your child in the sea of messages…”. And one particularly articulate dad said “Most of society seems to be giving a diametrically opposed message to the ones I am giving my kids. The outside message, from films and TV and music and the media seems to be ‘have sex, drink and take drugs, resort to violence to solve disputes, treat partners badly, and never confide in your parents. Oh, and driving fast is cool too.”
What do you think about our culture, and how do you cope in your family? How do you counter the culture?
I have some interesting and helpful comments from other readers that I share with you below. And I invite you to download and read this insightful and unique report that is based on responses from over 500 people…and then join our discussion - we’d like to hear your thoughts on this important topic.
Your Comments: I do feel that our culture is family unfriendly in that so much of the media content, and even the views of other adults in the community, contradict my own values.
So far, just being involved as much as possible in my child’s life has been working for me. Her father and/or I attend all her sporting events and practices. I’ll be chaperoning her first middle school dance next week. I also talk to her friends’ parents to compare stories. I’m not sure how effective these methods will be as she gets older and craves more independence, but for now, they give her and I something to talk about. We also curb materialism. We rarely buy anything unless it is on sale. And we try to conserve resources (i.e. don\’t waste food or water, recycle, buy used…)
Your Comments: Not having teenagers at home anymore but having been a high school principal for 25 years, I might not say “family unfriendly” but certainly our culture isn’t helping with keeping the family intact as a viable entity.
One way for parents to counter the culture is to early on develop a relationship of trust with their children. Another would be for parents to allow their children to experience the results of their (the children) choices but do so in a supportive and save family environment. I’ve learned that using words such as “it won’t be possible” or “you remember what we agreed to about that” speaks to results of behavior choices as opposed to “you can’t” or “you better not” which speaks to authority or size or status of the speaker. Letting teenagers know ahead of time, for instance, that poor grades is going to put off the acquiring of a driver’s permit means that when the grades aren’t good enough it’s not too hard to say, “It won’t be possible for you to get the driver’s permit.” This is not to suggest there won’t be angst expressed but basically the argument is over with. Natural results are the order of the day. Only the really stubborn will fail to finally learn from this type of cause and effect.
Please read our report and join our discussion!
Category: Tips and Tools, What Do You Think?, Parenting Teens |
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January 22nd, 2008 by Sue Blaney
I spoke at the US Dept of Education’s Grants to Reduce Alcohol Abuse Annual Technical Assistance Conference that was held last week in Albuquerque, N.M. At this gathering of 500 Prevention specialists, educators, administrators etc., there were many helpful discussions about how various communities are finding success in their prevention efforts.
Deborah A. Price, Assistant Secretary, Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools, U.S. Dept. of Education, noted that successful programs are comprehensive in their approach. This was confirmed and demonstrated in numerous break-out sessions where various communities shared their program details.
“Comprehensive” is the way one would describe the prevention efforts in Helena, Montana. What really impressed me about their approach is the way they engaged leaders across their community in their efforts to minimize alcohol abuse. The Youth Connections Coalition is housed in offices that are located in the school, maximizing their visibility and ability to network with school-related personnel. Additionally, they work with numerous community groups, many of whom sit on their board and contribute time and labor to Coalition efforts.
By presenting a unified front in their community, by networking smartly, and by actively engaging community leaders, the group in Helena has been able to expand their visibility and effectiveness so they are now supported by a variety of local and national funding sources. This small urban community of about 30,000 has 200 volunteers who are involved in supporting the coalition and it’s efforts….that’s an impressive number in any community!
Youth Connections has six part strategy for affecting underage use of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs:
• Identify youth with use problems and get them the help they need,
• Collaborate as a community to prevent underage use,
• Provide alcohol free events for youth,
• Educate youth on the problem and solutions for youth,
• Develop policy to limit underage access to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs,
• Share what we know with the whole community.
Here is a link to their website
Category: Tips and Tools, Teens: Alcohol & Drugs, Risky Behavior |
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