Parents sometimes ask how they can be firm and have positive relationships with their teenagers. It is possible; in fact teens themselves indicate that parents who hold them accountable and apply rules usually have better relationships with them than parents who do not apply rules and are too lenient. Being a parent is different from being a friend…and parents need to remember this. And there’s data to support this notion.

“Hands-on” vs. “hands-off” parenting: Let’s examine a study of 1000 teenagers aged 12-17* that was done by Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA). To define their terms “hands-on” and “hands-off” parenting, they measured the regular actions of the parents. As you read along, count how many of the following actions you take. Do you…

CASA defined “hands-on” parents as those who consistently took at least ten of the above twelve actions, and “hands-off” parents as those who took five or fewer actions from the list above. (Clearly there is a rather large “no-man’s land” for those parents who take between 5 and 10 of the indicated actions.) What the study illuminates is the correlation between parental monitoring and the quality of the relationships between parents and their teenagers.

The survey found that teenagers living with “hands-on” parents had a much better relationship with them.

What do you think of this study? Do you engage in “hands-on” or “hands-off” parenting? What do you think about the criteria used in the study to define these parenting styles? You don’t have to agree with it, but it can give you some concrete input as to the importance and value in applying some boundaries and rules in your home.

*”Survey links hands-off parenting, teen drug use,” Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Weekly, 26 Feb. 2001: 6.

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