Parents sometimes ask how they can be firm and have positive relationships with their teenagers. It is possible; in fact teens themselves indicate that parents who hold them accountable and apply rules usually have better relationships with them than parents who do not apply rules and are too lenient. Being a parent is different from being a friend…and parents need to remember this. And there’s data to support this notion.

“Hands-on” vs. “hands-off” parenting: Let’s examine a study of 1000 teenagers aged 12-17* that was done by Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA). To define their terms “hands-on” and “hands-off” parenting, they measured the regular actions of the parents. As you read along, count how many of the following actions you take. Do you…

CASA defined “hands-on” parents as those who consistently took at least ten of the above twelve actions, and “hands-off” parents as those who took five or fewer actions from the list above. (Clearly there is a rather large “no-man’s land” for those parents who take between 5 and 10 of the indicated actions.) What the study illuminates is the correlation between parental monitoring and the quality of the relationships between parents and their teenagers.

The survey found that teenagers living with “hands-on” parents had a much better relationship with them.

What do you think of this study? Do you engage in “hands-on” or “hands-off” parenting? What do you think about the criteria used in the study to define these parenting styles? You don’t have to agree with it, but it can give you some concrete input as to the importance and value in applying some boundaries and rules in your home.

*”Survey links hands-off parenting, teen drug use,” Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Weekly, 26 Feb. 2001: 6.

Bookmark this:

The newly-updated 2007 Please Stop the Rollercoaster! is back from the printer and is now available! This book has been updated in some key areas, providing recent data and figures on teenagers and risky behavior, improving communication between parents and teens, adolescent development, parent involvement in secondary school and why it’s important…and so much more. You may download excerpts and a flyer here.

This guide doubles as the curriculum for a parent discussion group program, and is written specifically for parents of teenagers in grades 6 - 11. In fact, parent discussion groups are running all over the country using Rollercoaster!: FL, TX, OR, CA, CO, MA, CT, GA, NY and more. Some parents use the guide for the self-directed version of the program that runs like a book group. Many others have facilitators who enjoy running the discussion group with the help of our secular, Christian or Jewish Leader’s Guides.

Thanks for the warm welcome from the lovely group of parents and teachers at the Kulanu Jewish school for teenagers in Stamford CT where I spoke last evening. Parents who have open minds benefit from frank discussions about important issues they face, and this was a particularly lovely group. On Sunday I’m working with the Jewish Federation of Greater Detroit and running a train-the-trainer for a number of synagogues in the Detroit area who will be offering the program shortly.

Call me (800-234-2150) if you want more information on how I can help you empower, educate and connect the parents of teenagers in your community.

Bookmark this:

Social networking isn’t just for kids, you know. EONS.com is a social networking site for boomers - and I’ve recently been named as the “Parenting Teens” expert there. I’m the guest expert for a group called “Over 50 and Kids Under 18.”

Eons is for boomers what Facebook is for your teen; it’s a site that is built to facilitate communication and networking. If you are 50 or over, this is a fun place to get some hands-on experience with this “social networking” phenomenon because it is the wave of the future and you need to see what it’s all about.

Signing up is free, and once you’ve done that you can create your own profile page, including photos, favorite videos, links, interests, etc. Noodle around and you’ll see there is lots of information, games, fun things to do… and there are groups. This may be the heart of the site, and the group that I work with is a group of parents who are over 50 and have kids under 18. Several hundred group members share issues, questions, thoughts, suggestions and most importantly, support.

There is an interesting variety of experts and celebrities that write for EONS; Jane Seymour is one of them and she keeps the readers posted on her experiences at Dancing with the Stars. Here’s a link to the Experts and Celebrities page…Check it out!

Bookmark this:

There is a notable change in drug usage statistics* about which parents of teenagers need to be aware. You’ve probably heard that the abuse of prescription medicines has grown quite dramatically in recent years, but you may not be aware that it really could be a problem you might face.

The current data is frightening. Note: .

Kids’ perceptions about using prescription drugs shed some light on their dangerous misperceptions:

But it’s not safe. And this is important for parents to get across. These drugs are highly addictive. Abusing prescription drugs before the age of 16 leads to a greater risk of dependence later in life. In the past decade, the number of teens going into treatment for addiction to prescription pain relievers has increased 300 percent. This stuff ruins lives.

What’s particularly scary about this scenario, is teens are getting their drugs from your medicine cabinet, or that of their friends! They say it’s easy to obtain these drugs. This, coupled with teens’ natural curiousity, and their misperception that they are safe because a doctor has prescribed the drugs, sets up this frightening situation. Teens who abuse prescription drugs aren’t in a particular social, economic or ethnic group - this situation is spread across all demographic groups.

Parents…open your eyes and ears, and close your medicines. Throw out unfinished prescriptions. Make certain you model appropriate behavior in regards to use of prescriptions. Talk to your kids about this problem and make sure they understand addiction can happen to anyone. Be informed.

Here are two excellent informational resources for you:

*Teens and Prescription Drugs. This report from the Office of National Drug Control Policy is from the Executive Office of the President, and is the source of the data in the article above.

Bookmark this: