My daughter called me yesterday from her vacation to tell me about a book I should read. This may sound like a simple thing to you, but for me this was BIG. This had never happened in 19 previous years. Why? Because she always said she hated reading.

Now this is a child who was lovingly read to since her earliest days, who did well in school, and certainly has the capability to read whatever she wanted. WHY did she hate reading? I really don’t know. And this isn’t, ultimately a story about my daughter, or about reading.

It’s a piece about development…about teens developing on their own time, in their own way. But, stay with me for another moment about my daughter….

She may have hated reading because it was associated with school, and she always had other things she would have preferred doing. She may have hated reading because it caused her to be still, something that this gymnast-dancer rarely wanted to do. She may have hated the books that were assigned to her…it really doesn’t matter. What matters is she finally out grew it.

Something happened when she went to college. For the first time in her life her intellectual curiousity has caught fire. She loved her classes in college; she loved being able to pick and choose the ones that interested her. Who would have known art history would generate an interest to visit - willingly - the Museum of Fine Arts? (Museums, for her, like fine books, presented battles rarely worth facing.)

It’s called development. It’s called growing up. It happens in its own time. It can’t really be directed by you, or by the school, or even by your child. It happens on its own.

As I reflect on how different she is one year after her high school graduation, I see how much development happens naturally. Youngsters who graduated from high school last week seem, at once so grown up and so very young. They will develop in dramatic and exciting ways over the next year - without any intervention from us.

And your teen, the one who makes you crazy with worry because he doesn’t like school, or doesn’t live up to his potential, or is unreliable and focused on less-important things…. relax a bit. No matter what you do, he will develop in his own time. Even if he is under-performing now, he can catch up. He will catch up. Something will light his fire, and he’ll be fine. And the daughter who is caught up in boys, and looks, and unimportant things… Lighten up. Encourage participation in something that she does love and that will help her develop another part of her.

In the meantime, try and take the long view, and let him know just how great you know he is. And let her know how much you love watching her grow up.

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