Is your teen demanding additional freedom? Is your teen pushing on the boundaries that you’ve established in terms of curfew, budget, computer time, bedtime, cell phone use and more? Relax! This is normal! But automatically giving in, although the easiest way out, is usually not the best way to go.

Teens push on the boundaries for several reasons, and believe it or not they don’t always want or expect you to yield. When you do give in too easily they learn that you don’t really mean what you say, and that your established rules don’t truly count. Adults need to be careful about the assumptions kids draw from our behaviors.

Let’s consider another approach. This was shared by a particularly smart and articulate mom that participated in one of my telephone discussion groups. Every year for her son’s birthday, she allows him a new freedom - something that he has been pushing for and that is special to him. And she couples this freedom with a new responsibility - connecting “freedom” and “responsibility” in a meaningful way.

How might you apply this in your household? Let’s consider this together. We’re entering summer and schedules change dramatically in many homes. What is your teenager pushing for? Young teens may want to ride their bikes to the local pool or swimming hole. Is your child responsible enough to handle this freedom safely? If the answer is “yes” (and you must be sure you’ve taught the skills s/he will need to be safe) you don’t need to stop there. This new freedom can be coupled with an additional chore that will also add to the child’s sense of responsibility. Is your high school junior able to drive on her own now? She may be wanting to stay out later at night. As you consider extending her curfew, consider giving her the job of grocery shopping each week. Your 14 year old boy who just got his own cell phone may need to take on mowing the lawn. [Have any additional ideas? Please share them in a comment below!]

I hear parents continually complain about teens’ attitude of entitlement. We need to ask ourselves if we, as parents, are part of the problem or part of the solution. Parents have tremendous influence on the attitudes our kids develop. We need to be sure that we are not taking the easy way out.

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