Mother’s Day Blues
May 12th, 2007 by Sue Blaney
Mothers Day isn’t always great. I know this sentiment is against all that Hallmark, and your mother, and our society wants us to believe, but I know there are a few of you out there who have aching hearts today. I want to recognize this.
Mother’s Day sometimes puts a magnifying glass on our personal pain. Like the Christmas holidays that exacerbate the plight of the lonely, Mother’s Day celebrations can highlight what we don’t have.
I want to offer empathy and hope if you are suffering from Mother’s Day Blues.
If you’re reading this, you know my work is with parents of teenagers. Parenting teenagers is full of ups and downs - that comes with the territory. I’m fortunate enough to have two wonderful children. While my youngest is almost out of her teens now - I’m nearing the end of this particular stage myself - Mother’s Day remains poignent. And I remember two incredibly painful Mother’s Day weekends.
If I look back at the mistakes (some more optimistic souls prefer to call them “learning experiences”) my kids made as teenagers, a particular mistake stands out for each of them. To protect their privacy, I will not disclose the particulars, but one sent us to court and the other sent us to therapy. In my eyes, these were biggies.
And they both happened over Mother’s Day weekend.
What I want to say to you Moms who might be in pain, is the chances are really good that this will pass. Almost all kids do some really stupid things, and it isn’t necessarily a reflection on you, your parenting, or a poor relationship. Know that bad spells are part of the process of parenting. Know that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Your relationship will endure the ups and downs, and the love that you have for one another will keep you going.
It really is true what people say: When your kids get older they do come back. When they have separated from you and established their own identity - and that is often what is behind the challenges during their adolescence - you develop a new relationship that can be simply incredible. A dream come true.
Your future holds the promise of the relationship you wish for. Tolerate today with hope. Because it will get better.
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 12th, 2007 at 4:36 pm and is filed under Tips and Tools, Parenting Teens. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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May 19th, 2007 at 12:30 am
Thanks for that. My daughter completely ignored the fact that it was mothers day and it was very hurtful for me since I do so much, maybe too much for her. My husband lost his mom last year and mother’s day is a painful reminder for him that she’s no longer with us. At least he had an excuse and I supported him in that. My daughter did not have any excuses. She’s just 14 and really going through the “its all about me stage”. So I felt very unappreciated and hurt that she couldn’t even make me a card. At her age, I was getting up early and making my mom breakfast in bed. By the end of the day, Iknow she felt guilty. Hopefully she’ll make it up to me next year. I don’t want any fancy presents, just a message of “I love you and appreciate you”, that’s all.
May 21st, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Hi Sue, You never fail to touch my heart! Your words of wisdom, understanding and support are truly priceless and timeless. Thank you for recognising that life is NOT a Hallmark card. Ups and downs indeed…it does help to know we are not alone. It also helps me to keep my eye on the horizon, as you said, this is a marathon, not a sprint. I have recommended your book, etc, to so many people. Thanks from all of us, you have no idea how many and how much you have helped! Kate
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:58 am
Sue,
Thank you SO MUCH for having the courage to write that Mother’s Day isn’t always a Hallmark event. I lost my mom 3 years ago and my dad 9 months ago, so I haven’t felt like celebrating any event this year- compounded by living with a self-centered and non-communicative 15 year old son. My one wish is that, when he is an adult, he will come back- I’m not convinced at the moment, to tell you the truth!
Your newsletter is truly a Mother’s Day gift, all year long. Thank you!