This is a question Maura and John, parents of 14 and 12 year old boys, ask one another when they strategize together in advance of arriving home knowing they will be facing a problem with one of their boys. The story was recounted to me by Maura, who was just completing her 8th meeting in her parent discussion group, and it really got me thinking.

First, let’s be clear: she’s fortunate to have a spouse with whom she can strategize. Many parents are raising their teens alone without the benefit of another’s input. But for those fortunate enough to have a partner in this parenting adventure, how often do we “strategize” at all? And how often do two parents “strategize” together in a coordinated fashion?

This approach is worth noting. Evident in her question is her thoughtful, intentional approach to parenting. She’s taken her knee-jerk reactions right out of the equation. And even though all parents have the right to our reactions and responses, we need to know that our responses to situations can make them better, or make them worse.

How often do your responses make the situation better? I submit to you that the more often you step away from the fray and consider carefully the response you want your teen to see, the more often your responses will help, not hinder the situation at hand.

How mad do you want to be?

Bookmark this: